A PICTURE BOOK
THE PROBLEM WITH PENGUINS (AN EXCERPT)
Okay, this is important.
Whatever you do, don’t pick up the phone if it’s the zoo calling.
It’s most likely the penguins who will tell you they’re stopping by for some pickled herring.
Even if you tell them you’re all out of pickled herring, they’ll show up anyway with some takeout and plop down in front of the television.
They’ll get seaweed all over your furniture and put shells in your pajamas for safe keeping.
Don’t answer the door.
It’s probably the seals who have come to find out what happened to the penguins. They were supposed to go to the movies together since it was the penguins turn to buy the popcorn.
Once the seals come inside, they’ll fill the bathtub with popcorn, since that’s what they really wanted in the first place.
Ignore that text message.
It’s going to be from the polar bears who found out that the seals are enjoying a popcorn party without them. Polar bears love popcorn, too.
They’ll invite themselves over for a snack. The polar bears will rip open every potato chip bag in the house. And then you’ll have crumbs everywhere.
They’ll also open the refrigerator in search of the onion dip. That’s when your kitchen floor will be smothered in onion dip because they’re sloppy eaters.
Pay no attention to that tapping at the window.
It’s bound to be the ravens who’ve heard all the commotion and want to join the fun.
They saw the polar bears happily munching on chips and dip and decided they wanted to eat your snacks, too.
They’ll bring the karaoke machine and start singing. That causes the penguins to start dancing as the seals clap their flippers together.
The polar bears will start tapping on bottles adding to the noise.
You'll also have to check the chimney for a stuck walrus.
They’re determined to sneak into the house unnoticed, and one always gets stuck in the chimney.
The walruses are looking for the ravens who promised to take them hot air ballooning.
You can use some of that dip that’s been smeared on the floor and see if that will get the walrus unstuck. He’ll probably just lick it off, though, and that means you’ll have to call the fire department.
If you see water shooting out of the basement, it’s definitely the otters.
They’ve disconnected the hose to the washing machine so they can make a pond in your basement. They make a pond everywhere they go, and now your basement is full of water.
They’ve come to make sure the walruses don’t forget about taking them to the amusement park. The walruses have the tickets and the otters were promised free trips on the water slide.
So now your basement is full of water, your floors are covered in crumbs and onion dip, and your bathtub is overflowing with popcorn. Oh…and the fire department is still trying to free the walrus.
And it's all because of the penguins.